We Are Called To Forgive

Last night I was troubled by my thoughts that kept on flashing back to that one darkest chapter of my life. It caused today my ugly, dark, and nightmarish eye bags that tinted my ever beautiful, angelic face (okay this would be my last lie for today). What made me restless was the thought of seeing again this person whom I don’t want to see anymore; whom I hate to see, that by just remembering his face would already send my stomach turning upside down. I hate him to the marrow of my bones and it’s not an exaggeration. It’s the plain truth.

My encounter to this person whom I met five years ago was among the greatest trials that I had in life. The pain it gave has drilled into me the life’s greatest lessons, of which I would never forget. I trusted this man and almost believed in the surreal possibilities of a good relationship. I was just actually hoping for nothing because it was clear as the water that we were just hanging out on the cliff, and we were bound to fall in the abyss – ah wait no, I WAS BOUND TO THE ENDLESS DEPTH OF THE ABYSS and he was up there by the edge. When I finally realized it I have touched down the bottom with a loud crash – with bones cracked and flesh bruised. I lost myself to this guy and I was left alone as the damaged goods at the end. At that point of my life I felt like a worthless, lifeless creature trapped within the figure of weaved flesh and bones. I didn’t even see myself as a human after all. I was in my lowest, downiest state. The experience was so traumatic that it took me five years before I manage to write this experience.

That was the moment that I first died but I was born again through the Holy Spirit. Though not literally but deep inside I knew I was born again in faith, hope, and love. This love is not the earthly love but the divine love given to us by the God the Father, the love that He sent to the world to wash away our sins and save us from the death and fire of hell. This love is Jesus. In the darkness I went seeking the light and in there, Jesus revealed Himself to me, He lighted up my world and washed me away from the mud of sins.

It took me time to recover; quite a long painstaking time of healing and recuperating. But it was all worth it because I know by now I was healed from the wounds of the past. However, there’s still that bit of hatred at one tiny confused corner of my heart. Or perhaps it isn’t hatred after all but my own fear; the fear of being back to that dark pit that stinks of sins. So I prayed harder because I know that’s the only way that I could get through this. While contemplating on this now, two verses have made it to my ever clogged up, messy brain. First, is the verse which I saw posted on the timeline of my brother:

Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings or any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ. (Eph 4:31-32)

            It isn’t all that easy, is it? Forgiving the person who hurt you and led you into sins. Instead of forgiving that person, you would rather despise him and wish him to rot in hell. But what if God does the same to us? God has all the reasons to hate us because of our sins. What if He does the same thing – despising us and sending us to burn in hell. What if He doesn’t forgive? The Good News is He does forgive. And that we should too. It’s not an easy thing I know – well, I should know. But it’s part of the whole process of healing. Unless we forgive, we will not be healed. In my case, perhaps I have already forgiven this person but not myself. Thus, I’m healed but not 100%.  Now if you’ll ask me what I will do when I come across with this person again, the answer is I still don’t know. May the Lord guide me at that time and teach me the right thing to do. Would it be best to sit down and put a closure to a long open-ended story? What if he’s still the same person? It would be wrong for me to judge him but you can’t blame me. However, I know now I can talk to him about our past and perhaps this is all what we need to do – to affirm the forgiveness. May the Lord be with us when that time comes.

Keep watch and pray that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. (Mt 26:41)

I have mentioned earlier about my fear of being drawn back to the dark pit. I fear for

such things to happen because I do not trust myself. We, humans are capable of things we have never imagined, both great and worst things. We are fragile to temptation therefore we mustn’t deal with it but do all means to avoid it. However, there comes a time that we are caught up in difficult situation and we got nothing to rely on but our self control. I have proven it effective over time that self control is strengthened by everyday prayers and devotion. It is like a plant that needs to be watered on a regular basis, it is like a human body that needs to be nourished. For your self control to be firm, you’ll need to feed your soul everyday with the words of God because when temptations got you cornered, the Holy Words will be your strongest armour.

            Now that I have realized it, I’m more relieved now. My worries are gone. I’m not alone. I know Jesus will never let me down. May God be with us always. Amen.

Sunday Reflection: Be Born Again through Words of God

At that time Jesus arrived from Galilee and came to John at the Jordan to be baptized by him. But John tried to make him change his mind. “I ought to be baptized by you,” John said, “and yet you have come to me!”

But Jesus answered him, “Let it be so for now. For in this way we shall do all that God requires.” So John agreed. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he came up out of the water. Then heaven was opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God coming down like a dove and lighting on him. Then a voice said from heaven, “This is my own dear Son, with whom I am pleased.”

Matthew 3:13-17

REFLECTION:

As I listen to the reading this afternoon there were lots of realizations that came into my mind. Jesus Christ who is the Son of God knelt and bowed so John the Baptist could baptize Him. John was surprised by this action that he had said out loud that it should be him (John) who must be baptized by Jesus and not the other way around. But Jesus said “Let it be so for now. For in this way we shall do all that God requires.”

Jesus Christ who is greatly above us all had humbled himself and not only that he had taken away our sins and sacrificed himself to die in the cross. Jesus the Great, Jesus the Messiah, Jesus the King – He had done the things that were all required of Him by God the Father. But how about us? Are we willing to do the things that are required of us? Shouldn’t we be ashamed of ourselves that we who are saved by this One Great Son of God from our sins are not doing our part as Christian and worse than that we are not exerting even the least of effort to improve ourselves to become a better person?

Changing and improving ourselves is not an overnight process. The temptation of sins is so strong that even though we intend to move away from it we can’t still win over our own weakness and we will just find ourselves committing again the same mistakes. We are being pulled back over and over again. Now the thing is, we really can’t repair the thing that has been damaged. It’s like gluing together the pieces of a shattered vase. You can make it look like whole again but it will be frail and useless. One wrong move and it will just get broken again, much worse and splintered than before. So what will you do then? You will get rid of that vase and will buy a new one, much better, much beautiful and much functional.

To change for the better is to get rid of our own damaged and wasted self, and be born again into a new person who is much better, much beautiful and much purposeful. It’s sort of saying, kill your old self and let your new self be born and that is through the Holy Spirit. Now I didn’t mean you to take the “kill your old self” literally, it means that we all have to get rid of our old self by an inner transformation that can only happen through our personal relationship with the Lord. We have mentioned here being born again. In Catholic Church when were baptized as baby, we were born again and washed clean from our sins. But as we grow old, we commit again sins and in able to be washed clean from it we must submit ourselves to the Lord and be baptized through the Holy Spirit. Baptizing is more than just the ceremony, like what the priest said this afternoon, baptizing is not about religion, it’s all about faith. As we are baptized, we are receiving the Holy Spirit and we are welcoming the Lord to our heart and this is where the inner transformation begin, thus we are being born again and become a new person. 

Let's all strive to change for the better and keep planting the Words of God to our heart. In this way we are starting a new and exciting transformation within us and we are beginning to fulfill all that are being required of us by the Lord our God.